It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?
As we approach the holiday season, families are gearing up for their many annual traditions. Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Christmas Eve, are supposed to be such joyful occasions—unless you are contemplating a divorce. You are naturally riddled with questions: “Is this the right time?” “What will Thanksgiving look like?” “Would I tell my spouse before or after Christmas?” These are very common questions and are absolutely important considerations in deciding if you are ready to file for divorce, or if you should wait. How do you know if you should stay or if you should go?
- Are you and/or your children safe?
While it may seem obvious, this question is not so easy for most people. You may be living in a cycle of abuse. You may feel unsafe to leave and may feel that the holidays would be an even worse time for you to part with your spouse. Regardless of any consideration, your safety and your children’s safety are paramount. If there is any risk of harm, speak to your lawyer. There are ways we can confidentially arrange your meeting and protect your spouse from knowing you met with us. The holidays are a heavy time for family violence actions. If you need to get out, we can help, and we will keep you safe. Do not wait.
- Have you and your spouse discussed a divorce?
If you and your spouse have been discussing divorce and are both in agreement it should happen, you may want to preserve the holiday season for your children. If you can get along, share a meal, and peacefully give one another space, there is no reason to rush. The courts are slow around the holidays due to various scheduling issues, especially during COVID-19 (the one exception is family violence protective orders as mentioned above). If you decide to file for divorce, you do not necessarily have to notify the other person. You can wait until after the New Year to notify your spouse the process has started.
If you and your spouse have not been discussing divorce but you are ready to file, ask yourself if you can wait until the New Year. Lawyers know that our busiest time is the beginning of the year, as people routinely hold off filing for divorce until after New Years Day. As long as you are safe and your children are not experiencing constant chaos and fighting, filing for divorce prior to the holidays is not going to make you happier. If you and your children are not safe, you may be compromising your claims by remaining in the household, but this is something we should discuss. You also may have certain financial considerations, such as the cost of Hannukah and Christmas gifts, which could be impacted by legal fees. If anything, filing for divorce could create more confusion about who will have the children over what period of time, who will have religious traditions or customs with them, and where they will sleep. This is a short time period that while it may be uncomfortable, can pay off in the long-run if handled correctly.
If your spouse has filed for divorce and no temporary order or agreement is in place, you are probably very scared and confused about what will happen over the holidays. Technically, unless an order is in place, both parents have equal rights to the children and neither of you has superior rights to certain days or parenting time than the other. Further, if a divorce has been filed, most counties have a Standing Order that prohibits anyone from removing the children from the State. It is best to reach an agreement with your spouse about how holidays will be shared, and do your best to compromise based on your circumstances. Your lawyer will likely be able to help you negotiate a holiday schedule that you both are comfortable with. If you are in this situation, please call, and we can help.
- Monster-in-Law?
Holidays are a time for family. Remember, your in-laws are still your family. If you cannot get along with them and behave badly around the holidays, trust that they will be the first to testify against you in court. If your holiday plans involve in-laws coming to your home and you do not get along, make arrangements with your spouse, even if you do not totally agree with the arrangements, to stay elsewhere for a couple of days. You will not be prejudiced by giving your spouse some peaceful time with his or her family and the children. If you can be respectful and remain in the home together, then that will surely go a long way to demonstrating for your children that you all will remain a family, regardless of divorce.
The holidays can be the hardest time of the year. Please do not hesitate to call with questions. We will help talk you through them and determine the best course of action.
Happy Holidays from The Leonard Firm.